A Letter to the Newly Married

You made it, so kudos to the newly married. Love is compassionate and patient. It doesn’t brag, it doesn’t envy, and it isn’t arrogant. It is not impolite, self-centered, or easily provoked.

I don’t know why society believes February is the lovers’ month when most weddings occur in December. Well, that’s not my focus this morning. Today, I want to speak heart to heart-with the newly married. This is for you if you are also warming up to sign the dotted lines with your crush. You are also welcome if you are simply a lover of new ideas and wouldn’t mind listening to a ‘novice’ like me. I have said several times that I am not a marriage expert, but there’s a specific message in my heart to pass across to someone on this subject.


Here’s the message…
Avoid external pressures…

Newly Married Pressures like:

Financial Pressures:

This is the time to start putting money away (not giving money away) for rainy seasons. I know you have relatives and friends to help, but this is not the time to be a Santa Claus. Even Santa comes once every year; you shouldn’t be Santa twice every day. Your marriage will have a serious problem if you don’t save and invest. Take that from me. Financial pressures cause 70% of today’s divorces. Be very careful in this area. Make sure that you and your partner are involved in multiple economic activities. Even if he’s a pastor, please advise him to have something by the side. Any couple who has been through this kind of pressure will warn you to avoid it early in your union.

Also Read: Love does not guarantee the success of any relationship

The second pressure you should avoid is when to have a child.

That’s one crazy thing I don’t understand about Africans. Everyone wants to know why you are not having a baby yet. Someone said,

“After I married Zamar, we stayed for some time before having Jnr. Those pre-Jnr days were my worst days in life. Everyone calls to say they pray for you to have a ‘blessed’ baby. Chai. In fact, one prophet called me and said that God told him my wife’s womb was removed and she couldn’t have a child again but that he would pray and replace the womb. I told him we were using contraceptives and weren’t ready to have a child yet. He was ashamed.

The pressure was just too much. Please, don’t let anyone put you both under such pressure. Don’t start having children just to prove a point. Plan, Arrange and Stabilize. Then have a child if you desire to. Don’t rush; if the child is delayed for medical reasons, no stress. No pressures. Seek medical help. It’s not a big deal. Believe me. It’s fools and illiterates (I don’t want to use the word ‘idiots) who make marriage look like a child-mining venture. You didn’t get married just to have kids. You got married because you love each other.

Zamar and I adopted a daughter before we had Jnr. To us, we see no difference between having a biological child and having an adopted one. And if you are Nigerian and don’t have a male child yet, I know your husband’s family will try to put you under pressure. Please don’t mind them – they are 100 years behind civilization. I know a Nigerian woman who now has 7 daughters, and her husband is still trying to try the 8th time to have just one male child. I phoned the man and told him to focus on caring for his 7 beautiful daughters. Nothing pisses me off when a couple allows themselves to be put under pressure to have a male child. If they desire a particular gender, it’s not a problem. But if they are under pressure, then it’s a huge problem.

The Third Kind of Pressure You Should Avoid Is Religious Pressure

That is unique pressure from church people. Most times, couples compete for most in their local churches. One couple wants to appear happier than another couple. Lol. They even compete with whose child is smarter, prettier etc. Please don’t fall for such. Be original. Be you. Allow your kids to be original too.

The Last Type of Pressure You Should Avoid Is Social Media Pressure

I won’t say much about this but beware of what you post on social media about your marriage. No matter how beautiful you think your friend’s marriage is because of what they post on social media, always know that we hide the tears and only promote the joys.

Dear newly married, avoid external pressures

Thank you!!!

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