Over the years in my previous relationship, I discover that love is not the basis of any relationship. Love alone cannot help you stick to one person. After all, cheating is not always a product of not loving your partner. In fact, loving someone does not guarantee not falling in love with any other person.

I’ve spent the past year looking for love and wondering why everyone keeps saying it isn’t enough. In the process, I’ve spent hours conversing with men and women from around the world, recording their stories.

Two of the most commonly used words to describe successful relationships were not four-letter words starting with “L”… they were “compromise” and “sacrifice.” Yet, according to Relationships Australia, over 90 per cent of us still say we marry for love.

This notion renders marriage institutions even more fragile than ever before. And sadly, the divorce rate also shows that about 50 per cent of us are kidding ourselves when we marry for love (and forever after).

What does this say for the future of marriage? I don’t know. I’m not married, so I’m probably not the most qualified person to discuss it. But despite our changing society and increasing divorce rates, couples still hold on. How do they do it?

Relationships work out mostly because of our head, not our heart; It works out because of emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self-discipline. You see, times will come when you see people better than the one you are in a relationship with. In those times, love will not help you; self-control, Emotional intelligence, and commitment will.

No matter how you feel for someone, the person you are committed to ranks first in your life. Do you think married people don’t see better people than the ones they married? Or do you think they don’t feel funny sometimes? Do you think they don’t catch feelings? They do! But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is a great arsenal to destroy that impulse. You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes more than what attracts you to them. It takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it’s convenient or sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there, but that can only last for the first 3-6 months or years of the relationship. After then, You will realise that the feelings have dropped; it is your responsibility to make it work, not love’s responsibility!

Building a relationship is hard work; it’s like building a career and pursuing a dream. It’s always tough and sometimes bitter, but you can always make it work through hard work.

Here’s some of the advice I received about what makes a happy relationship:

‘’…don’t assume that your partner is coping the same way you are.’’ —Joseph

Talk about important things, practice being open and honest with your partner from the beginning, and remember that human beings aren’t-minded readers. If you don’t communicate with your partner, they will not guess what’s going through your mind.

‘’ …the first thing you’ve got to do is learn to love yourself.’’ —Marjewel

You, on your own, are a complete person. You can love and be loved but learn to love yourself first. Relationships aren’t about two halves making a whole; they’re about two wholes forming a partnership, and to do that, you have to be whole, to begin with.

‘’Being in love is about wanting to be with someone forever. While I don’t think I am naive enough to believe that we all stay with that one person forever, I think the minute you stop wanting to be with someone forever is when you know you are no longer truly in love with them.’’ —Chioma

Live in the short term but think in the long term. We all know that happily ever after doesn’t exist, but you’ve got to hope it can.

‘’ …our relationship needed to go through everything that it has to make it what it is today. Love means you have to be sacrificial.’’ —Benson

People don’t like to think of sacrifice when they think of relationships, but unfortunately, you make many sacrifices for the sake of love (and your loved ones). Remember, you don’t have to make your partner feel guilty when you make those sacrifices. And both of you should make sacrifices. Be sure you’re making the right decision and communicate through the decision-making process.

‘’We sat quietly on our veranda; cried together in raw emotional pain at three o’clock in the morning on the kitchen floor; and picked weeds from the front lawn. Through these simple tasks, through the authentic release of pain and emotion, our love grew.’’ —Joy

Sometimes love’s going to hurt. But when you get through the not-so-good stuff, you’re stronger, happier and healthier for it.

‘’That feeling you had at the beginning fades and that’s okay, because you develop other feelings that can be even better, more meaningful.’’ —Micah

He’s right a thousand times over. Your relationship is going to change. Enjoy the change —even embrace it—but don’t run from it or think there’s something broken.

My Advice? I learned not to be too proud to ask for help. Some people genuinely care and want to help you (either individually or as a couple). Ask for help, learn from others and make informed decisions about your relationship.

It takes two to tangle!

Do you have any love advice? Please share in the comments section below!!