Building a relationship requires understanding, commitment, and patience. Relationships are two-edged sword. When we’ve been burned in a relationship, we go into new relationships a little more wary. While being street-smart can help you avoid making the same mistake the next time, “It can also keep you so hyper alert to possible problems that you don’t give yourself to a relationship,” Schoen says. Here are some tips to help you when you’re ready to start another relationship.
Settle the past:
According to the common saying “settle with your past so it does not affect your future. Work with a therapist to understand how and why you picked your failed marriage.
2. Realize you can make a choice.
OK. Something bad happened. You are not a victim. You can and will move on.
3. Learn who’s safe and not safe and how to be safe.
Once fooled, twice smart. Learn the early warning signs that someone lacks integrity and construct proper boundaries to keep people like that far from your heart.
4. Get clear about your expectations:
Make a list of qualities you find attractive. Many people jump straight into relationships soon after meeting someone simply because they don’t want to be single. While this can fill one of your needs, you have no way of knowing if that person will make you happy in the long run. Instead, show on what you want out of a partner and a relationship, and what you find attractive. Think about things like:
- Do I want to be with someone who is career or family oriented? What do I find attractive in other people? Do I want someone who is spontaneous or predictable?
- These traits should compliment what you want in a happy life, so don’t depend on someone else to fulfill your happiness. Learn how to make yourself happy first.
What do you want for yourself? What are you moving toward? Know what your values are and be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Then, be bold about not settling for less.
Realize there are wonderful people everywhere.
Uh huh, you ended up with a world class schmuck AND the world is full of really great people. Consider your social circle, the friends you already have are likely to have common interests and know other people with interests like your own. Sometimes, a friendship can transition into a relationship easily if there’s an attraction between the two people. Friends can also introduce you to someone that they know and think you’d like.
- Do not try to force a relationship with a friend. This can lead to a failed relationship and a failed friendship.
Learn where to go to meet people who enjoy the same things you do:
If you like to dance, take dance lessons. If you like to hike, join a trail club. Do things you enjoy. The best way to meet people who have things in common with you is to go out and do the things you love doing. Inevitably, you will meet someone who enjoys doing the same things. This is a great start to a potential relationship, as you will naturally attract people when you are doing something you enjoy.
- For example, if you are an avid book reader, you might join a book club for people around your age.
- There are many organizations and groups from book clubs to adventure clubs that can help you spark a relationship with someone who enjoys similar things.
Hold off on the sex.
Give yourself time to get to know someone before jumping in the sack. Sociologist Dr. Edward Lauman’s research found that 85 percent of couples had known each other at least 30 days before having sex and 45 percent waited at least a year.
8. Check out their “fit.”
How are they around your family and friends? How comfortable are you around theirs?
9. Pay attention to their overall behavior.
Is this person an “easy keeper” or is your relationship full of drama? Are their periodic temper tantrums? Regular “flake sessions?” If so, next!
10. Listen to your gut.
You have a built-in radar that alerts you when something is up. So, listen to and honor your intuition.
11. Explore the internet.
Though the internet makes it easy for people to create a false representation of themselves, there are people out there who are looking for genuine relationships. You can explore dating sites and social media to meet people and get to know them.
- Always be careful when going out with a person you meet on the internet. You should always meet in a safe, public place.